If you would only listen…

Have you ever given someone advice they didn't listen to or instructions on how to accomplish a task they simply chose to ignore only to later watch them become frustrated because things didn't turn out as expected?

A short while back as I listened to a loved one tell me about a situation they were experiencing and the associated frustrations, I thought to myself, “If you would only listen to me.”

Usually when we give advice it’s because we consider ourselves knowledgeable on the subject. This is typically a result of prior experience in the area. Although sometimes it’s simply because we think we know everything and others should just listen to us. (This is never me of course.)

In this particular case, I considered myself better versed on the topic. I felt I had something beneficial to offer. I felt like I could see aspects of the situation that were not so obvious to them. I wanted to avoid continual negative results for this person I cared about. But I knew they’d have none of it.

I thought: “If you would just listen to me, things could be so much easier for you.”

As I thought about that another thought came to mind:

“I bet this is what God thinks about me ALL THE TIME!”

I, myself, am guilty far too often of trying to do things my way. When I do, rarely do these things result the way I “planned.”

This really made me reflect and come to the following realization; GOD KNOWS WHAT HE’S DOING!

He really does.

If He wants me to trust him, it’s because he has it worked out. He sees things that I don’t see. He has experience that I don’t have. He knows things that I don’t know.

If I would only LISTEN.

If I would only TRUST and OBEY, my life would be a lot less difficult.

I’d probably be a lot happier as well.

How much pain, how much frustration, how much failure, how much sadness, how much grief, how much confusion could I have avoided?

How much time could I have saved?

How much more peace and happiness could I have experienced?

If I would just listen.

Now, if I can just remember this for the future…

Redefined.

2012 for me was a year of learning…

About myself. About others. About my creator. 

Discovering. Defining. Rediscovering. Redefining.

It was a year of admitting.

Admitting to myself more than anyone else.

That I wasn't things that I thought I was.

That I was things that I didn't want to be. 

Coming to terms with all my imperfections.

Accepting my humanity.

Perhaps it was a year of letting people down. 

Of disappointing. 

Pushing people away.

Isolation. 

Of trying things my way.

It had amazing, incredible moments.

But also a lot of sadness and loneliness.

I wouldn't, however, change any of it. Especially those low points. 
All of it was necessary.

It was all a relevant part of my process. 

Although so many things changed throughout the year,

I learned there was one stable part of my life.

One thing I could always rely on:

God.

No matter how much I changed, how much the things around me changed.

He stayed the same.

In the moments when I would've understood if He turned away

Or even expected Him to leave, 

Not only did His love for me remain unaffected & unaltered,

He proved to be faithful, even when I wasn't.

I disconnected myself from others.

(I’m thankful for those who love me enough to push their way in.)

I disconnected myself from God.

I had a glimpse of what life is like without Him.

I realized that I NEVER want that life!

I learned that:

I can't be me without the thing, The One who defines me.

I can't serve my purpose without the one who designed me.

I can't know myself without knowing my creator.

I learned that the thing I was looking for was there all along.

And not only was it there, it was pursuing me.

I am rediscovering Him. Falling for Him again.

And in that process, finding myself.

I have high expectations for 2013. 

But I'm not about to just sit back and wait for awesome things to happen.

I don't want to do things my way this year.

I want to be a part of what God is doing.

I NEED to be.

Wherever He is, that's where I want to be.

This month I've started the journey. I know it won’t be a smooth ride for its entire duration but it can only lead somewhere great!

My Soul's Antidote

Worship heals my soul. 
It mends my heart without fail every time.

It is my vampire blood.

Simply the best remedy that can exist.

When I worship nothing else matters.

Nothing else exists, only He and I.

A connection becomes evident between me and my creator.

I remember what’s important.

There is nothing better to distract me from my own perceived misery,

than worshipping the engineer of the universe and knower of all things.

It withdraws the focus from what isn’t important.

And places it on what is.

It brings instant relief to my soul

And comfort to my mind and spirit.

Worship reminds me that I have a God, a friend...

Who is truly great. Awesome. Almighty. Powerful. In control.

What a faith booster!

I know worship is my way back.

I know worship will lead me home.

It is the path back to His heart.

It will without a doubt lead me straight to Him.

It reopens the door to communication.

The door to relationship… intimacy.

Worship is my map to a forgotten place.

My guide to that place I once knew.

Worship is an expression of everything I want to say and can’t.

Everything I want to show but am unable to.

Worship is where my comeback story begins.  

Dependency

Without You

I fall apart because you are what keeps me together.

I weaken because you are my strength.

I fear because you are my courage.

I lose my way because you are my guide.

Without You

I'm insecure because my confidence derives from you.

I drift because you are my anchor.

I'm apprehensive because my faith lies in you.

I anger because you are what soothes me.

Without You

I’m uneasy because you are my security.

I’m vulnerable because you are my protection.

I’m unsteady because you are my stability.

I’m stuck because you are my escape.

Without You

I am disheartened because you are what offers me hope.

I'm saddened because you are my reason for joy.

I’m dormant because you are what energizes me.

I’m callous because you inspire compassion.

Without You

I’m useless because you are what gives me purpose.

I’m empty because you are what fills me.

I’m withdrawn because you are my confidant.

I wither and ache because you are love and comfort.

Without You

I merely survive because you are what I lived for.

I'm unhappy because I need you.

I’m hungry because I crave you.

I’m not myself because without You I can’t be me.

Disconnected

One day you wake up to realize you no longer know what you’re living for.

You stop fighting because you don’t know what you’re fighting for.

You’ve forgotten what you’re working towards. What you’re trying to accomplish.

The reason you used to wake up each morning happy to be alive escapes you.

You’ve lost sight of what’s important.

You’ve lost sight of your purpose. 
It's because you’ve lost sight of who you are.

You see yourself fading. Your energy darkening.

You are distant and it shows. Others can tell.

They’re unsure of what’s changed… they just know something is different.

They tell you that you look sad. The smile has faded from your face.

They want to ask but are afraid to approach.

What good would it do? You would say you are fine.

Not because you want to deceive them, simply because they can’t help you.

You know exactly what’s wrong… what you need.

And you know where to get it.

Some people make suggestions to help you gain a sense of purpose, to fill the void.

You know that would never do it for you. The fix you’re craving is for something stronger.

It’s easy to think that you’ll be fine without it.

It’s easy to think you’ll continue to be the same person.

To think you’ll continue to be yourself.

But you can’t be yourself when lacking the component that makes you who you are.

You can’t remove the adhesive and expect to stay put together.

You can’t hide how detached and incomplete you are. You can’t pretend all is well.

You can’t lie to yourself, when you, more than anyone, notice the differences.

You run into it occasionally and are surprised at how natural it feels.
How overpowering it is. How well it fits. 
You wonder how you’ve been able to stay away for so long.

How have you been able to resist?

You need HIM:

The source of everything you lack.

The source of everything you’re missing.

For He is what defines you.

HE is what defines ME.

Selling Out

I've often wondered how Judas could betray Jesus the way he did.
How he could think 30 pieces of silver were more valuable?
How, knowing the terrible thing he anticipated doing, 
could he still hang around like nothing?
How could he trade EVERYTHING for NOTHING?
How could he hand over life for something so temporary?
How could he be so hypocritical? So shallow? So skewed?

So STUPID??


WHO DOES THAT??


It turns out...
Me.

It isn't easy to admit. I wanted to dismissed the idea altogether.
But I can't lie to myself.

Looking at the facts....

How many times have I engaged in premeditated transgressions?
I have knowingly betrayed Jesus. Planned and anticipated.
The implications known. Regardless, electing to be selfish.

I haven't wanted to hurt Him. I haven't wanted to be ungrateful.
But I've wanted to simply indulge.

Just once.
Maybe twice.
And then it's over and over again.


So who does that?


Apparently me. Probably most of us. And not just that. Maybe even worse.

Losing Yourself

It begins with a few acts that are "out of character." It's slightly shocking, maybe disappointing to yourself... to those who know you, but no cause for too much alarm. You feel guilty, perhaps a little ashamed, but it was stupid... acted impulsively, didn't think it through, failed to consider the consequences... You try not to be too hard on yourself; let it slide. After all, this ONE act, this ONE occasion doesn't define WHO YOU ARE.

Then the acts become MORE FREQUENT. Easier to OVERLOOK. New thoughts fill your mind, thoughts that justify, excuse these actions. The words you speak also begin to change.


The guilt lessens. It becomes easier to do. You suppress your better judgment. You silence your conscience.... try to ignore it altogether. The shame gradually begins to fade. You try not to feel it.


Suddenly what was once a strange reaction coming from you has now become natural. What started as a random act, an incident that stood alone has become routine. "Out of character" becomes who you are. You look at yourself, listen to yourself and wonder who this person is

But it's confusing because you know you aren't this person, at least you don't want to be. You observe yourself befalling into this unidentified creature. It makes you a little angry that you've allowed this to take place. But do you have what it takes to stop the transformation? The courage? The will? The desire?


Have you changed or has the real you simply emerged? Is this who you were all along? Was that other person just pretend? That other person takes work to be. This person simply is.

Don't Pretend To Be Wood

This entry is dedicated to my little sister.

One night my sister and her friend were spending the night at my house. Like is common, I had not gone grocery shopping and therefore had basically nothing to feed them. For this reason we embarked on a short journey to the grocery store.

I instructed the girls to go pick out a cereal for their breakfast while I gathered other items. Soon enough I reencountered them walking down an aisle, holding a box of cereal. This wasn’t just any cereal; it was the one they had carefully and distinctly selected. When I saw the box in their hand I rolled my eyes. In a disgusted and critical tone I said, “Really? Out of all the cereals you guys chose that one?”

Immediately my sister pointed at her friend while at the same time my sister’s friend pointed at her. Simultaneously, each girl began explaining that she had not wanted that cereal but the other one had insisted on it. I began to laugh.

I asked the girls why they were justifying their selection of cereal. Had I not told them to pick ANY cereal THEY wanted? Why then were they trying to please ME?

I instructed them to never allow ANYONE, not even ME, to make them feel foolish about the things they liked; the things that were unique to them. I told them to be confident in the choices they make and not to second-guess themselves simply because someone else didn’t like it or was in disagreement.

*

There are times in life when difficult decisions have to be made and the best path is unclear. At times like these there are often individuals in our lives whose input we value and seek.

At other times we fail to make the best choices. In such cases, there are those who, without us necessarily asking, caringly share their wisdom and views because they are genuinely interested in our wellbeing.

But then there are those people who are critical and negative about everything we do, even the little things. (Like cereal.) 

*

Sister,

Although I often still see you as a child, the reality is that you no longer are one.

My desire is that in your life you will make good choices.

I hope that when your path is unclear, I can be one of those people you come to.  

I pray that you will never let others put you down or make you doubt yourself.

I hope that you will have the courtesy to listen to and the wisdom to evaluate the input others offer. To dismiss the negative. And to apply the positive & the truth, even when it's unpleasant.  

I hope that the wrong turns you make (because nobody is perfect) will always lead you to discover something beautiful.

Above all, I hope that you will learn to seek and trust the guidance of the ONLY One who TRULY knows what’s best for you. That will guarantee that despite the bumpy ride and the missed turns, you will end up at the proper destination.

Don’t ever be afraid to be yourself, to express yourself, to trust yourself and to love yourself just the way you are.

Happy Birthday!

I love you!

Act a Fool

The day of halloween, a friend and I went to IHOP for breakfast. Our waitress was in costume… sort of. Along with a few scratch marks, she had smeared blood on her face and arms. She also had a cut out cereal box taped onto her apron. 

After a strenuous 30 seconds of devoted thought, I was unable to arrive at a conclusion as to what she was supposed to be. I enlisted my friend’s help to solve the mystery.

Instantly he stated, “Maybe she’s a serial killer."

“Ooooh! That makes sense.” I responded.

I suggested he confirm his hypothesis the next time the waitress approached our table by asking her if this was indeed what she was attempting to portray. 

“I bet she’ll say, 'Yes! You’re the first person who’s gotten it!'” I stated.

My friend smiled. 

Then I added, “Or she’ll say, 'No. Everyone thinks that but I'm actually a ____.'”

His smile faded.

He thought for a moment, then responded, “If it’s the first one, it’ll be cool but if it’s the second one, I’ll look like an idiot.”

“I’ll ask her.” I said. “I don’t care if she thinks I’m an idiot." (It happens often.)

The waitress didn’t come around for a while. When she finally did, my friend had just gotten up to use the bathroom. But as I said I was going to do, I asked her, “Are you a serial killer?”

She looked at me with astonshment.

Amazed, she said “Yes I am. You’re cool! You are the first person who has guessed correctly!... You get a lollypop.” She then gave me two Dum Dums.

When my friend came back I told him what had happened and what the waitress had said.
He asked, “Did you tell her I was the one who figured that out?”

“No. Why would I tell her that?” I responded.

“Because I was the one who figured it out!” He said.

“So??! You were too scared to look like a fool to ask her! If you aren’t willing to take the shame of looking dumb then you don’t deserve the glory of being right!”

After I said this I thought of how true this is.

Some people (no names shall be mentioned) take pride in considering themselves “rebels” yet are sometimes too afraid to take a risk because they don't want to look foolish before others.

Others of us may consider ourselves BOLD, yet we often hold back on ideas, thoughts, comments, opportunities and so many other things because we fear being embarrassed, ridiculed, rejected or just being wrong. 

So what if a stranger thinks you're stupid!? So what if we look temporarily silly or even crazy to our peers!? There are times when we need to take chances. We want the credit for greatness without the risk of failure. Not possible. 

If we want to achieve greatness, we not only have to risk failing, we probably have to accomplish failing a few times. How will we ever know if we're "on to something" if we never give our ideas a chance? They may end up being "not that good," "a little too far out there" or just wrong. They may end up being extraordinary. How will we know if we don’t try?

P.S. Prior to leaving, I did inform the waitress my friend deserved the credit for figuring out her costume. 

Interference

You know those times
When you know about something that happened to someone you love?
Something that is going on in the life of a person you truly care about?

AND

You really want to help them in ANY way you can?
Even if it's just by being there for them, talking about it, listening.....

BUT

You don't SAY anything or take any ACTION.
You don't "interfere" or "meddle."

BECAUSE

THEY haven't told YOU about it,
Nor have they sought out your assistance in any way.

You feel HELPLESS.
Even if you actually have the ability to help.

SOMETIMES

You try to lead conversations in a way that they might bring it up.
You hint at the issue.

BUT

They still don't share their burden with you.

You just wish they would trust you.
If they only told you, then perhaps you could help.

HOWEVER

Until they do...
Your hands are tied.

WELL........

I think that's how it is with us and God.

Artistically Blemished

When applying for a job, you’re usually asked to provide a resume- an outline of your skills and qualifications. At the interview you spend the majority of your time talking about all your strengths and answering questions in a way that demonstrates you to be the clear choice for the position.

On a first date most people share their virtues, the “cool” things about themselves, what they think will attract others.

Why?

Because when people get “selected” for things, whether it is a job, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a part in a play, etc., the process is usually done by evaluating skills, qualities, virtues, strengths and so on.

We are judged based on the things we POSSESS and the things we CAN DO.

God has called some people to be worship leaders. We think it’s because they’re musically skilled. Others are preachers. We think it’s because they’re good at articulating a message. Others are good at teaching and everyone has the thing they “do.”

But…

One day I had this CRAZY idea… a theory… a proposition…

WHAT IF...

God doesn’t call us based on our STRENGTHS or our TALENTS or QUALIFICATIONS or what we BRING TO THE TABLE?...

WHAT IF...

God chooses us due to our IMPERFECTIONS?

WHAT IF...

It is our FLAWS that qualify us for the calling?

God knows our flaws better than anyone. Our “slip ups” come as no surprise to Him.

WHAT IF He was actually COUNTING ON THEM?

Perhaps the DESIGN of my WEAKNESS was precise for me to commit the “RIGHT” MISTAKES?

What if these errors gave me the exact amount of pliability, the ideal measure of elasticity to be MOLDED, be SHAPED, be RESTRUCTURED into the person God wants/needs me to be?

Could it be that sometimes God relies on me to screw up?

God doesn’t select you under the pretense that you would be “ready to go.”

He knew you would need some work.

Why would a craftsman select a finished project? An architect, a completed structure?

What would be the point of that? How could they bring in their creativity and sign it as their work if it was a product that was already complete?

The Bible is full of imperfect people that were called by God. It was their errors that made them better. It was their mistakes that demonstrated their humanity and need for God. It was their flaws that God used to bring glory to His name.

Yes we want to be better but we need to stop being so hard on ourselves when we stumble on our way to excellence. Making mistakes or having a few inner blemishes does not make us “bad people” or “complete failures.” It makes us human and it makes us remember we need our maker. He’s the one who can give us “touch ups” when we need them. He turns our “unfortunates” into part of his plan. He shows us how to use that to fulfill our purpose. After all, He designed us. Who would know better than He?

We are imperfect beings but that’s ok because there is beauty in our imperfections.

God sees it. I hope you can too.