Losing Yourself

It begins with a few acts that are "out of character." It's slightly shocking, maybe disappointing to yourself... to those who know you, but no cause for too much alarm. You feel guilty, perhaps a little ashamed, but it was stupid... acted impulsively, didn't think it through, failed to consider the consequences... You try not to be too hard on yourself; let it slide. After all, this ONE act, this ONE occasion doesn't define WHO YOU ARE.

Then the acts become MORE FREQUENT. Easier to OVERLOOK. New thoughts fill your mind, thoughts that justify, excuse these actions. The words you speak also begin to change.


The guilt lessens. It becomes easier to do. You suppress your better judgment. You silence your conscience.... try to ignore it altogether. The shame gradually begins to fade. You try not to feel it.


Suddenly what was once a strange reaction coming from you has now become natural. What started as a random act, an incident that stood alone has become routine. "Out of character" becomes who you are. You look at yourself, listen to yourself and wonder who this person is

But it's confusing because you know you aren't this person, at least you don't want to be. You observe yourself befalling into this unidentified creature. It makes you a little angry that you've allowed this to take place. But do you have what it takes to stop the transformation? The courage? The will? The desire?


Have you changed or has the real you simply emerged? Is this who you were all along? Was that other person just pretend? That other person takes work to be. This person simply is.